I Have No Excuse…

So…I have a tendency to start things and not finish them.  I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons as to why, but I’m trying to change that.  This blog will not fall prey to my short attention span, dammit.  In my defense, it HAS been super busy.  We finally finished the bathroom…see below:

MasterBATH2

God, this bathroom took forever.  But it was worth it.  The showers are glorious.  And its SO clean. So Clean.  Even better…I can napalm it with Bleach, no problem.

In any event….things go relatively well on our homefront…we are chugging along with our streamlined life.  I was talking to one of my former coworkers the other day and he was asking how we do it.  How we make do on our reduced income.  We live in somewhat tenuous circumstances right now (by our choice) and, by all rights, I should be a basket case (I’ll admit it, sometimes, I am).   But the reality is more complex than that for most people.  How do you measure  or quantify the overarching the benefits of inner peace, contentment, and ten hours of sleep?  How do you measure the return?  For me, its simple – do I have a pervasive feeling of perpetual low grade stress, punctuated by crises?  The answer now is no. But, I’m hoping that this new found peace of mind has less to do with the current circumstances of my life and more to do with an attitude shift within myself over the last 8  months.  I hope that this change in perspective will transcend my current situation, should it change.  And change it may…  Even if financial prudence compels me to go back to my 9-to-5 , can I live in the spirit of my new life and continue to work towards it, albeit, at a bit slower pace?  I’m going to go ahead and say yes.  But you never know.  I may yet find that amazing job that allows me to live my life on my terms and do something I love.  We may yet get those projects we were hoping for, which would put us well on the way to our little homestead.  We shall see.  Its a waiting game and game of chance all in one.   And if it isn’t already obvious, I don’t like surprises – I’m one of those jerks who skips to the end of the book to find out what happened, before getting invested, because I like the security of knowing how its all going to work out.  And in doing so I have sacrificed years of my life in pursuit of security – in the past, I was instrumental in creating the very future I always feared.   Now, I am a firm believer that if you expect the worst all of the time you will always find a way to be right.  Especially me, because I hate to be wrong.  However, I have committed to change.  I am saying this out loud.  If not for myself and for M., then for the kids I may one day have (if I’m not too old by then), because its one thing to screw with your own life, but its entirely another to let your baggage trifle with the innocent unblemished psyches of your children.   So…in the meantime…while M. and I wait for the future to unfold….I’m going to part with tradition and expect it to all work out.

On a lighter note…because I love chickens and they remind me to live in the moment…a picture of pepper below…

pepper

P.S.   Lauren…don’t be mad because I didn’t embed this correctly…its really late and I’m to tired to look up the instructions in your old Gchat…next time…promise!

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